eep @ the upcoming Full Moon in Taurus

As an inexperienced astrologer, the wide orb of time indicated by Solar Arc conjunctions have low key been driving me crazy! The maximum orb of influence of conjunctions in Solar Arc progressed charts is 1° but a 0.5° (or 30’) orb is considered for greater accuracy.

Below is my Solar Arc progressed chart overlaying my natal chart. Notice progressed Pluto conjunct my natal Sun at Sagittarius 29°35’, which is exact between the 26th - 31st of October 2024.

Using an orb of 0.5° (30’) to determine the window of highest probability for the activation of the Sun-Pluto conjunction means that I need to consider when my progressed Pluto travels from Sagittarius 29°05’ to Capricorn 0°05’. This means that the window of activation spans a whole bloody year, from the 30th April 2024 through to the 29th April 2025!

Up until this point, I’ve been incorrectly predicting my dad’s passing, getting fixated on the potency of the recent Annular Solar Eclipse in Libra, Super Full Moon in Aries, New Moon in Scorpio, and some challenging transits that all COULD have indicated my dad’s passing. What I failed to recognise was the bigger picture story of this transitional and extremely transformational time in my life.

In my last post, I mentioned the Annular Solar Eclipse that happened exactly conjunct my Libra Ascendant of 10°55’ on the 2nd/3rd October 2024:

This was one of the first lunations that had me genuinely concerned that it would mark the time of my dad’s death because it activated not only my Ascendant but also my dad’s 1st house, which contains his Ascendant, Moon & North Node.

This eclipse marked the time in my messy grieving process where I was focused on my personal identification with the imminent loss of my dad. I had to release my attachment to the version of my life where my dad would be physically present with his future grandchildren, to witness my future achievements, and to continue to share expansive, philosophical and sentimental conversations with.

I wanted to relive all the fondest memories of my childhood again, but at the same time I knew that that couldn’t be possible. Where on Earth did the time go? It seemed like not that long ago that the sick and frail old man before me was once a force to be reckoned with. It’s times like these that we’re reminded of what’s truly important in life, and are forced to be grateful for even the tiniest things. Talking, laughing, holding hands, cuddling, listening to his stories (even the ones I’ve heard many times before), the quiet content moments, the sound of his breathing & even just the sight of his rising and falling chest.

My releases of emotion reverberated right through to the core of my soul, as I often found myself viscerally breaking down to the point of barely being able to move. I was the embodiment of ✨screaming, crying, throwing up✨ and sometimes questioned if I even had the strength to continue to release such deep pain and fear. I was mourning the things that we’d no longer be able to do, and just doing my best to process my very human fear of change and separation. I eventually reached an emotional breakthrough during one of my cries, after being taken back to the foundations of my desperate fear. My earliest conscious memories of my fear of being abandoned by my dad was at around age 3, when he travelled to Vietnam for 2 weeks. I relived my screaming and crying and desperate attempts to stop him from leaving. My mum recalls that not a single day passed where I wasn’t crying out for him and asking where he was until he finally came home.

Two weeks after the eclipse, on the 17th of October 2024, was the Super Full Moon that happened in my Aries 7th house of 1-on-1 relationships:

This was yet another peak in my emotional processing, but I was now more focused on the relational aspects of my grieving rather than the personal. By now, it was already apparent to my dad that I love him so dearly. But I felt like I now had the opportunity to reach a deeper state of closure by making sure that nothing was left unsaid or undone.

I hand wrote a heartfelt letter to my dad in both Vietnamese and English, and put together a big photo album in chronological order. He’s always been a serial photographer/documenter but has never taken the time to organise and display the printed photos in a way that could really be appreciated. The experience of expressing my deep love and authentic emotion was incredibly cathartic in and of itself.

I reached a breakthrough moment of clarity about the transient nature of physical relationships upon flicking through the photo album. The album starts with photos of my granddad visiting my dad here in Australia before I was born. I never met my granddad, but I was born a year before he passed away in Vietnam. The photos continue to show the growth and evolution of our family, right up to these final moments where my dad is now unwell. Eventually, the photos that’ll be added to the album will continue to tell a beautifully evolving story, even when my dad is no longer physically with us.

Another full circle moment happened during an afternoon visit. This was a particularly tough day for my dad physically and neither of us had much to say because we’d already talked so much over the last few months. He laid down to rest so I joined him for a cuddle. For me, the heartbreaking moment was realising that I wasn’t a small child hugging her big, strong dad anymore, instead the tables have turned and now I’m the big, strong daughter hugging her frail dad. I felt like I was filling the cracks left in his heart from his own mum’s passing when he was barely 6 years old. He experienced my unconditional love and nurturing, and was falling in and out of sleep when he said that it’s been years since his mind has felt this free and at peace.

Ultimately, this Full Moon nudged me to more deeply embrace the fact that the connection with my dad extends beyond the bounds of this physical realm. In a state of oneness, the love we share is both boundless and timeless. That’s why I found myself being able to just take a step back and better balance my independence with spending time with and caring for my dad.

The New Moon in my Scorpio 2nd house that happened on the 1st November 2024 was the next lunation that had me holding my breath, especially because my progressed Pluto had now crossed over my natal Sun and was now in a separating conjunction.

By this point, I was pretty much ready to let go. A part of me was frustrated with the anticipation, and another part of me felt guilty for feeling that way. After shedding the personal and relational aspects of my grieving, this lunation pushed me to reach a more deeply spiritual understanding of the karmic purpose of the relationship between my dad and me.

I reflected to the last period of time that the eclipses were happening along the Aries-Libra axis, which was roughly 2006-2008, to better understand how the current eclipses have been pushing me to evolve. I was roughly 12-14 and this was the time that I started to explore my independence, which also meant that I was starting to rebel against my dad. He experienced a loss of control and started to really worry about the path that I could end up down. Fast forward roughly 18 years (1 Saros cycle) and my dad could not be more proud of me, and ultimately feels like he has completed his mission. In fact, he said that he never could have imagined getting to experience such profound love and pride, let alone for his own daughter.

This was also when I realised that I don’t actually need my dad anymore, and somehow that thought encouraged me to find even more peace with letting my dad go. He’s already taught me everything that I need, and I’ll still be able to connect with his wisdom as I continue my own life journey. And his legacy will certainly live on through me.

So, that brings us to the Full Moon that’s happening this weekend in my Taurus 8th house:

Bittersweet is the only word that I can use to describe this time.

Even though this Full Moon can bring sudden endings, it’s actually the most supportive compared to the most recent lunations. The flowing support from Venus and Neptune help to integrate the fallout with unconditional love and compassion. Saturn is also turning direct after 4 months of retrogradation, which will help me to approach my grieving journey in a more grounded, structured and practically disciplined way.

Today, I write mostly from a place of deep love and acceptance, which is only possible because I courageously gave myself the freedom to fully experience the uncomfortably deep pain and fear that’s intertwined with loss. Despite struggling with some depression, I still find it quite magical and amusing that the Universe has embedded my journey in a storyline that is ultimately loving and supportive. The transition has been happening slowly enough for me to really sit with and gradually process my deepest emotions and attachments. The Universe didn’t just suddenly rip my dad out of my life so that I’d be left alone to pick up all the pieces. That’s not to say that there wouldn’t be a significant lesson to be learnt through that kind of experience, but I’m so grateful to instead feel like I’ve been compassionately guided through my grieving process, as well as the letting go of my attachment to the material world and my developing awareness of its transient nature.

Since the window of activation of the Sun-Pluto conjunction in my progressed chart spans both Sagittarius and Capricorn, this indicates that I’m at a time in my life where I’m transitioning from a more idealistic, philosophical and exploratory phase to one that’s more focused on the responsibility of manifesting tangible outcomes. I feel like a coiled spring - under tension but full of potential energy and an urge to leap into the next chapter! It feels like my entire life has been shaken up, and while everything is jumbled up in the air, daily life just doesn’t feel real, but in the same breath it feels like anything is possible once this dust settles.

And so I find my solace by deeply trusting and surrendering to the impermanent yet profoundly impactful nature of life’s cycles.

Cheers to my dad, who made it to his 85th birthday a few days ago ❤️